A family vacation without the husband sounds like a good idea...till hour 2, when I realize I can't chase after kid #3 and stop kid #1 from hurling his body from a chair into a pool at the same time.
All day long I was my own version of octo-woman, putting out fights, negotiating and answering questions like, "If I trip and fall and don't bleed and don't put ice on it...will I die?"
"What?" I ask, insanely exhausted.
At the mall we stumble across, "Zen Zone..." a store full of water-massage machines and other gadgets to help you relax. The store allows you to play and try everything they sell. My kids are in touch-me-heaven as I run to take my youngest to the potty.
When I return, it's as if my older children were royalty; Each sat in a massage chair, their legs tucked into feet massagers as the woman running the store taught them both to use a luxury gadget I'd never saw before.
How is this fair? Wasn't it ME, the Mom who needed the massage tips and free bees? (Last month my 6 year old went to a SPA birthday party. SPA! I’m six times her age and no one's ever put cucumbers on my eyes.) (Well, I did...once...as I was cutting them for dinner)
Next thing I know the woman offered a two-for-one-discount to my kids to try the big water massage machines. Kids? What about ME? This woman was obviously not a Mom or maybe my plastered 'happy-to-be-on-spring-break-alone-in-Vegas' face really worked on people.
Thankfully when the woman put my kids into the machines and taken my credit card, the foot machine was free for me to enjoy. But then Roc disappeared and by the time I found him and slowed my heart rate back to a mild panic, two other women had stolen my spot.
I spent the rest of the time waiting for my kids' to finish their massage by blocking Roc from running back into the mall. They were sweaty from happiness. I was sweaty from stress.
I love going on vacation and then during my vacation find myself thinking, "Man, I need a vacation."