Sunday, January 30, 2011

Coupon Retarded

After watching these shows on TV where women save hundreds of dollars by using coupons, I realize I am coupon retarded.

Below is the letter I mailed to Dentyne Gum....

Dear Dentyne Customer Service,

Awhile back I called you because product I had purchased (still good and not past it’s expiry date) was bad. It was wet. We’d never had such an experience with your gum.

I called to tell you about our bad product. You were so kind and sent me coupons for free replacement product.

Unlike all those coupons lovers I admire on TV, saving hundreds each shopping trip. Coupons and I do not get along.  I forget I have them, or I bring them and forget to pull them out, or my purse eats them.

Yet, grateful you sent me coupons for replacing the product, I should have marched to the store and redeemed them. But I'm a mom of three (four if you count the husband) and when I got the coupons, they went into my purse (things get lost in there) and then they went on a shelf so I could ‘SEE’ and remember to ‘use’ them. And then they went back in my purse…till I went to use them this very last week and after pulling them out, thrilled that not only did I remember to bring them, but I remembered to present them to the cashier! I was so proud!

Till she said, “These expired last week…”

What? Really? How does that happen? Is this candid camera?

I’ve enclosed the three coupons you sent me to please help me:

1) Replace the coupons for me? And I’ll do the “march to the store, do not pass go” thing.
2) Never write you again.
Ok....I mailed it off today....let's see what happens....?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Moms are Watching

I was sitting with my kids at a gymnastics class when this kid suddenly spoke, "God Damn it!"  I turned toward the eight-ish looking girl and spoke in a tone, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Startled the girl looked up at me, the stranger, but yet still a mom, and said, "Oh, yes, sorry, I meant 'dang' it..." 

The girl went back to her math a little flustered and nervous.

I smiled.

That's the warning I give to my kids daily, "I know you are smart and will always do the right thing, but in case you forget, I have spies everywhere."

When I saw the girl's mom, I introduced myself and shared what happened with her daughter.  She and I had a nice giggle as we reconfirmed what we already know:  We like the nonjudgmental Moms that help keep kids in line.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Too Many Clothes

I’m the American Girl:  

I have a closet full of clothes, and yet I have NOTHING to wear.   I have clothes with tags on them….that I know I will never wear.  But I can’t get rid of them cause then I’ll be admitting I made a mistake. 

So I’m saving them….till my daughter grows up or my husband becomes a drag queen.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Best Thing about A&E's "Hoarders"

What is the best thing about watching "Hoarders" on A&E? 

Besides feeling deeply amazed and horribly sad that a human can simply live with such horrid clutter, I'm also completely elated that my own home (daily scattered in toy and random recently worn and piled "I'll do it later" clothing) is sparkly clean in comparison.

(It's the same feeling I get when I go to Disneyland feeling fat because my jeans wouldn't button with normal breathing. Walking through Disney, I'm shocked to see the abundance of heavy normal American people and recognize, I'm doing fine.)

Yet that hoarder show puts me in action. It makes me clean. I tape episodes to watch when I need motivation to clean out that closet. And let me tell you, when it comes to "keep or toss?" after one episode, even 1/2 an episode, I can move quickly without that mental debates; "Maybe I’ll wear this when pink miniskirts come back again in six years?"

Thank you A&E.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

The Smile

I've met her five or six times.  I've talked with her at length.  Yet, I've never, ever seen her smile.  I've even caught myself staring at her lips (where her 'smile wrinkles' sit) wondering if it's a facial deficiency that won't make her face smile or if it's...her?

She wasn't the happiest person.  Mostly she complains.  And what she does talk about is either depressing or negative.  I often thought of just telling her, since she isn't a great friend I can do that and not feel too guilty.  And, maybe she doesn't even know she's such a downer? 

Sitting with her today, I got up my courage to speak frankly to her when it happened.  A little 1/2 one, to the left, under her nose.  A creak of a smile.  And just as fast as it happened, it was gone.  I almost shrieked with glee!  I was so distracted, I forgot what we were talking about!

In the end, I decided to keep my opinion to myself taking my old saying to heart, "I love my friends because of their faults...."   Even though she wasn't really a friend, maybe just being with me caused that halfer smile to appear...and well, if I can do that for a human that never smiles, maybe she'll learn to laugh a little more.  Or maybe not.

All I know is that when you smile, you create happiness in your heart.  So go smile at someone.