Best Ant Farm EVER!

I'm not a fan of ants. They make me uneasy. If I see one on the floor, I freak. If I see one in my house, I'm known to squeal like a baby. Cause I know they travel in packs. Well, long lines-of-friends-packs. If there is one...there are thousands....zillions!

But I think they are cool to watch. I had an Ant Farm when I was a kid and watching my own kids experience an Ant Farm was a real treat and worth double the $29.99 I paid for the package!

They are very interesting to watch. If I find a line of them heading somewhere, I'll often stop to spit a huge hunk of siliva just to see what they do now that a giant 'flood' has blocked their path. That I find facinating. Cause they are outside in their world.

Then I saw this video below. It is truly one of the COOLEST things I have EVER, EVER, seen! With barely enough time to pee during the day, these people have opened up a real life HUGE ant village from deep in the earth! Amazing.

Get the kids and the husband and watch this 3 minute video!

http://www.dump.com/2011/08/30/worlds-biggest-ant-hill-video/

What Style...?

Whoever said we need to look perfect all the time should be shot.


I enjoy wearing mistmatched comfy old sweat pants and Ugg boots almost as much as I enjoy putting on a sexy dress and heels.

Course when I don 20 year old soft red sweatpants, my kids give me the evil eye, "Really? You're wearing THAT?"

In an evil sick way, that just smile more.

What Women Want...in Vegas

It feels like Groundhog day. Yesterday I spent the day picking up after all my kids and my husband. Last night, I went to bed and woke up to the exact same messy house I was in a day earlier.

I need a trip.

Vegas?

Vegas.

I don't need an affair or a penis. I just want to be with girls (oh, uh, women now) who understand my daily 'Ugh" moments. So I emailed 4 of them the following:

I need a weekend away with girls to do the following:

1) Sit by a pool and not have to get anyone anything.
2) Eat food I don’t have to create, cook or clean.
3) Sit by a pool, play a game of scrabble (?), cards or beer pong
4) Relax and not be stressed to run to this or that, for this person or that person
5) Maybe swim in the pool (I’m willing to live dangerous) and secretly stare at men with sexy strong bodies that once used to mirror my husbands'.
6) Think thoughts I want to think (go back to #5 and remember lookinging is not cheating)
7) Maybe stare at a cloud
8) Eat, play & talk with friends about life, love and how lucky we are to have each other (as imperfect as we all are.)


It's been 3 hours. The only replies I've had are:

1) Can my husband come?
2) Can I check with my husband?
3) My husband won't let me.

Sigh....Anyone else?

Man's Dictionary For Women

Man's Dictionary For Women:


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: The calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

(4) Go Ahead: This is not permission, this is a dare. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of "nothing".)

(6) That's Okay: The most dangerous statement a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: If a woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (Exceptions include when she says 'Thanks a lot' - then she is using sarcasm and not thanking you at all. Under no circumstances reply, 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever' - see below).

(8) Whatever: A woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: This is something a woman says after she's told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Punishment Must Fit the Crime

My son came home with a detention for forgetting his book in another class.


Okay, fine.

I'm not the teacher, but if there are punishments on kids for forgetting, I'll just be thankful I"m not in school being policed or I'd be in trouble hourly!

The problem I had with the detention is that it was at 7:30AM. AM. Before school. Before my morning is complete. Before I pick up all the neighborhood kids for carpool.

Wait ....Mom is not headed for detention....why do I have to stress to rearange five other kids and my morning because one son has detention?

I was on a complaining rolling rant last night, "No...how is early morning detention going to prove anything? It's just creating stess! Havoic! I"m calling the school! He can suffer a punishment during recess or lunch! Not screw with my morning!"

The husband suddenly stopped me and said, "Hey, this is good for him. Getting up a little earlier. It's no problem fo rme. I'll stay home from work and get him to school by 7:30am."

"Oh....okay." Ranting over. Problem solved.

This morning, my son woke up early, while the husband chose to sleep in an extra 10 minutes. My son came down at 6:50am and together we packed up his bag, got his 'due-today' science project ready by the door and even made his favorite egg breakfast!

At 7:15am, my son and I were both were milling about waiting for my husband, now in the shower to come down and take my son to school. At 7:20 totally ready to walk out the door, my son was still eating slowly knowing full well that my husband still had to pack up his work computer and make his own breakfast before they could leave the house.

Then, like a California tornado (that doesn't exist, but if it did, it would sound similiar to the noise coming from my own home this morning) the husband began yelling at my son that if my son woke up earlier they wouldn't be late.

The husband then spouted off a few more comments that included, "I'm not taking you to school today! You need to call your teacher and tell her why you didn't make it to detention!"

To say my 12 year old was devistated doesn't even touch the emotions I played witness to coming out of my child.

But now, 'Mom' was back on the hook to call school and explain now (after the fact) why my child wasn't at detention.

Going back to my original point: Detention shouldn't inconvenience the parent, but the child that receives it. It should teach a lesson, so a child learns from it, so he won't do it again.

Sadly all my son learned was: Don't ask Dad to take you to school...ever.

I'm sure in a few hours the husband will realize he was the cause of this morning's events and maybe even appologize to me or even agree with me that any detention causing parents stress or worry aren't doing anyone any good.

But that would be admitting Mom was right. And for Dad, oh boy, that's so hard to do.

Swearing in Church

Limping into church on crutches to see my son's preschool performance, I tripped and quietly said, "Oh shit..."  My mom behind me was not happy, "God damn it, Laurie! Stop swearing!  We're in church for fuck sake!"

"Something is Wrong with Grandma..."

From the moment I hear that the in-laws will be visiting CA from Philly, my shoulders lurch up in physical defense. Then when they arrive, my big smile doesn't hide that I am in full battle mode....able to morph into Queen Warrior in mere seconds. Okay, my in-laws aren’t that bad, it's just the MIL is very negative toward me and tells me what I'm doing wrong...constantly.

This year I was ready. But this year Grandma was different. Instead of yelling at me that I relocated her coffee cup without telling her, she giggled and asked me how to use the Keurig coffee maker. Not once, not twice, but every morning, for a week.....she would ask the same thing:

1) “Three years ago I used this coffee maker thing...can you show me how to use it again?”

2) “Can I heat up my coffee in your microwave?” (She'd ask me this every 5-8 minutes) (She heated up her coffee so many times she didn't even need to drink it; it evaporated.)

Something is wrong with Grandma.

One day, hunched over the bottom double oven she grasped at the handle, "Do you mind if I heat up my coffee?"

"Um...the microwave is over here..." I answered quickly coming to her rescue.

One day she dropped her coffee, another day she dropped the milk. Both times she blamed others or shook her head in disgust that life wasn't fair.

One day I made her coffee, dragged her to a chair and suggested, "You know, if you drink all your coffee in the next five minutes, it won't get cold, and you won't need to reheat it." She looked up at me like a child happy someone was finally coming to her aide.

"Okay..." She said as she smiled.

Then one day my mother-in-law walked up to my husband, her son, and asked, “And where do you live, sweetie?”

My oldest son, Ty, eleven and sometimes more innocently funny that me, added his raw commentary, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Being away from home may have increased the stress bringing on whatever dementia my MIL was already going through. Alzheimer’s or something else….it really didn't matter. All that did matter was that Grandma would never been the same.

Not that this is a bad thing. For me. For the first time in….well…since I’ve known her…she has actually been nice to me. Complimenting me. Thanking me for being in her son’s life. This was the first time I can actually say, I like her.

I’m not going to share this with family that is devastated Grandma is losing her mind…but as I watch the bitter sad sometimes mean woman fall into a new kind of normal....I welcome the upside.