Monday, February 20, 2012

Man's Dictionary For Women

Man's Dictionary For Women:

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: The calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

(4) Go Ahead: This is not permission, this is a dare. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of "nothing".)

(6) That's Okay: The most dangerous statement a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: If a woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (Exceptions include when she says 'Thanks a lot' - then she is using sarcasm and not thanking you at all. Under no circumstances reply, 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever' - see below).

(8) Whatever: A woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: This is something a woman says after she's told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Punishment Must Fit the Crime

My son came home with a detention for forgetting his book in another class.

Okay, fine.

I'm not the teacher, but if there are punishments on kids for forgetting, I'll just be thankful I"m not in school being policed or I'd be in trouble hourly!

The problem I had with the detention is that it was at 7:30AM. AM. Before school. Before my morning is complete. Before I pick up all the neighborhood kids for carpool.

Wait ....Mom is not headed for detention....why do I have to stress to rearange five other kids and my morning because one son has detention?

I was on a complaining rolling rant last night, " is early morning detention going to prove anything? It's just creating stess! Havoic! I"m calling the school! He can suffer a punishment during recess or lunch! Not screw with my morning!"

The husband suddenly stopped me and said, "Hey, this is good for him. Getting up a little earlier. It's no problem fo rme. I'll stay home from work and get him to school by 7:30am."

"Oh....okay." Ranting over. Problem solved.

This morning, my son woke up early, while the husband chose to sleep in an extra 10 minutes. My son came down at 6:50am and together we packed up his bag, got his 'due-today' science project ready by the door and even made his favorite egg breakfast!

At 7:15am, my son and I were both were milling about waiting for my husband, now in the shower to come down and take my son to school. At 7:20 totally ready to walk out the door, my son was still eating slowly knowing full well that my husband still had to pack up his work computer and make his own breakfast before they could leave the house.

Then, like a California tornado (that doesn't exist, but if it did, it would sound similiar to the noise coming from my own home this morning) the husband began yelling at my son that if my son woke up earlier they wouldn't be late.

The husband then spouted off a few more comments that included, "I'm not taking you to school today! You need to call your teacher and tell her why you didn't make it to detention!"

To say my 12 year old was devistated doesn't even touch the emotions I played witness to coming out of my child.

But now, 'Mom' was back on the hook to call school and explain now (after the fact) why my child wasn't at detention.

Going back to my original point: Detention shouldn't inconvenience the parent, but the child that receives it. It should teach a lesson, so a child learns from it, so he won't do it again.

Sadly all my son learned was: Don't ask Dad to take you to school...ever.

I'm sure in a few hours the husband will realize he was the cause of this morning's events and maybe even appologize to me or even agree with me that any detention causing parents stress or worry aren't doing anyone any good.

But that would be admitting Mom was right. And for Dad, oh boy, that's so hard to do.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Swearing in Church

Limping into church on crutches to see my son's preschool performance, I tripped and quietly said, "Oh shit..."  My mom behind me was not happy, "God damn it, Laurie! Stop swearing!  We're in church for fuck sake!"