Monday, January 25, 2010

"The Tooth of a Smart Girl"

This was the letter I had to write to my daughter's kindergarten teacher, Mrs Bell, after my conversation with my six year old.

Dear Mrs. Bell
As you know, Meg lost her tooth at school today. She didn't bring it home cause, "it was somewhere special.." Where? "I'm not telling!" Okay. Later I got it out of her, she put it in the SHARE box.

I asked, "Was it in a bag?"

"Nope, I just put it on my paper about our family broken bones."

"Did you tape it to the paper?"

"MOM! I told you I put it ON the paper!"

"Yes, but did you secure it somehow? Mrs. Bell won't know it's there and when she picks up the paper, that teeny, tiny tooth will go flying and could hurt somebody."

"Mrs. Bell always picks up paper very gently and slowly!"

"Okay, but did you TELL Mrs. Bell you put your tooth there?"

"She'll SEE it when she picks up my paper!!  Dah!"

It's so weird to think I have a little girl that can say things like 'Dah?'  I can't explain to her.  Meg is her own girl.  The tooth fairy will wait for her to find it and if it's gone, there will be tears but I'll tell her the fairy will know she lost a tooth cause there's a gap when she smiles.  Then one day she'll know how much I lied to her.  Nice.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

"The Baby Shower..."

The party of 28 women were to arrive at 11:30am.  The husband promised he'd be OUT of the house with all three children at 9...then 9:30...then 10....

At 10:10am the unshowered, still in sweat pants husband was sitting on the couch watching some sport thing, drinking coffee and reading the paper.  The three children, two of whom were still in jamies, were running around yanking out what I already put away.  Without nagging, yet continuing to clean, make food, prepare gifts and organize games for the BabyShower, I kindly kept reminding the husband it was past time for him to take the kiddies and leave...

10:20am the husband complained why I was having a baby shower on a sunday when sports are on....instead of.....when?  He never answered that.

10:25am the husband began to move his body and still unshowered got himself and our kids ready.
10:58am the husband was out the door with all three kids and I quickly began the mad dash to clean to get the house ready for guests.

11:25am:  As the guests began to arrive I wipe sweat from my forehead and opened my arms to a beautiful day of being at home and hanging, talking and communicating with girls I love without making a peanut butter sandwich, breaking up a fight about who called who 'stupid' or re-explaining why our planet is on an axis and spins without making us dizzy.

How was your day?  Did you get girl-time this weekend?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Whose Kid is this?

I often wonder who's child is living in my house.  He looks like me, he looks like my husband but his behavior is so devient, I'm left wondering if there was a swap in the hospital.

In the past 24 hours...

Roc took a highlighter to new carpet, drawing a long line where the desk should go.

Roc took off all his clothes while buckled in his car seat with my kids and their friends went hysterical.

Roc dumped a full (brand new $21.99) bottle of Paul Mitchell hair spray on the pourch, then capped it perfectly and put it back.

Roc took the pregnant hampster out of her cage and put her on a table so he "could have both hands to get the other one."  Where was the one he left behind?  Roc looked left to right, "Oh...ummmm...I don't know...I lost her," he mumbled as he walked out of the room.

Roc keeps turning on my car lights causing my car to die.  Over the past three days, my car has died three times.  One time was in line at a funeral.  Another in line at school car pool.  The other time I had to have it towed to the shop where I was told, "Someone left a light on in the back."

Roc is now causing me money and rely on others for help moving my car, jumping my car, picking up stranded children, even children that aren't mine and buying new hair spray.

Did I mention Roc is three?

Hold on...I hear screaming ---

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Gay Idol

Adam Lambert has to be the most successful thing to come out of American Idol. The fact that he is gay is just hilarious, specially when I can't stop drooling whenever I see him on TV. His debut on Oprah today was just icing as women around the world shuddered to his flawless vocals....okay maybe just me.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"Dumpster Nurseries"

I love silly comedy.   Specially if it's based on reality.  This latest video stars me as the Mom.  Watch:

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The CEO of the House by Laurie McDermott

The CEO of the House by Laurie McDermott
Earthquake Ready Mom?

After living through the 1994 Los Angeles earthquake and believing I was going to die, I run out when I feel an earthquake.  People say, "Don't run out of a building, get under furniture..." I say, "Look at Haiti and get out!"

This past August I was living in an old 1950 apartment while our remodel was being finished.  I was standing near the door, my three kids all within 20 feet from me; on the couch, in the bathroom and laying on a bed reading when I felt the familiar feeling in my bones as the earthquake began to shake our first floor unit.  Inches from the knob to our front door, I slowly put my hands on a bookshelf as the shaking started shouting as loud as I could, "It's an earthquake...GET OUT!"

I then reached for the knob, turned it and ran out away from the building.  My five year old daughter, Meg was at my heels, my other two...?  Where were they?  I stood on the driveway, safe from anything falling shouting, "Ty!  Roc!!  Get out!!"  Nothing. 

When the shaking stopped, I went back in to see my three year old Roc in a bundle still on the couch and Ty standing in the bedroom doorway shocked asking, "Where did you go?"

I answered, "Ah....I went out there."  I pointed to the driveway.

Ty, "You left us?"

I was embarrassed.  I failed. 

I was sick.  Did I really leave my other two kids?  How could I do that?  What horrible mother was I?  Friends told stories of how they dashed up stairs to collect all their kids...threw their bodies on top of children on a bed....and I left mine all behind in a building. 

I tried to re-imagine the event in my head, trying to re-do the event and imagine myself staying.  Ha!  Each time, even my imagination won't let me.  I'm always leaving.  I imagine a fire; I know I'd run though flames, I'd crawl through smoke.  I imagine a gunman; I know I'd offer my life first.  But an earthquake?  I'm out.  My brain won't let me change my internal programming: Every man for himself.

Then I realized, "Wait...if our building fell down, who would be out here directing the firemen on where to find my kids alive?  If I stayed inside with my kids and the building fell, we could all perish.   See?  I didn't do a bad thing leaving, I did a good thing."

Ty rolled his eyes, "Whatever.  All I know is you left us."

Yes.  Okay.  Now that we know this....we need to prepare.  We know Mom won't be here for you if the earth starts shaking.  Your job?  Get out.  Fast and safe.  We now have drills on where to run depending on what room you are in when a quake hits.  (I say 'when,' because one is always coming, this is Los Angeles, we just don't know when.)  My kids just go through the motions as I kick their bed back and forth pretending I'm the earthquake.  They sometimes even laugh, but the bottom line is that their minds have stored this information on what to do, so that when it happens they will find that rolodex card in their brain and react properly.

No 'Mommy of the Year' award this year.
Freezing in LA

Today in LA temperatures were so cold....people were forced to wear long pants and shoes.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Stupid people...

My downfall in life is I hate stupid people.  Today I spoke to a lady about my account and that there was a seven dollar negative charge on my account.  I wanted to know why?  Her response, "You have 17,000 in your account."
"Yes, but why is there a negative 7 dollars...?"
She sighs, "I don't computer doesn't go back very far."

How do you think I should answer her? 
1) Oh, I'm sorry, let me see if I can get you new computers?
2) Oh well...I guess 17K is enough money to worry why you deducted me 7.
3) Hmmm.  I am your customer, I've been one for 12 years, just tell me, "I'm sorry this happened to you, let me figure out what is going on?"

I actually said #1 to which she responded, "Really?  We need new computers so bad....can you get Apple?"


Sunday, January 03, 2010

Just Sunday...

If you have a 4th grader and you live in CA, you know about the Mission project...making a model and writing a detailed sheet are 2 requirements from your 10 year old.  Or 2 requirements from YOU.  They can't do it w/o mom or dad's help....hence the reason I say, "ugh..."  Another reason to argue and denouce 100 times, 'this is your project, I'm not the one in 4th grade."  But it won't matter, it will be me who hand holds him through the whole thing while I sit and wonder, "What did he really learn from this project, but the fact that....his Mom loves him and is always here to help..."

The best part of the night was my Meatballs.  YUM.  They aren't really MY meatballs...they come from this lady, "the pioneer woman" and her amazingly delicious web site.

My sister stood in line for 2 hours to see this "pioneer woman" and when she told me this I immediately assumed she meant "Sarah Palin!"  We spoke about this 'pioneer woman' with me getting a giggle as I couldn't believe my sister, a democrat liked Sarah Palin and would stand in line to buy her book and meet her!!   We texted for an hour.  Then she sends me the photo of her and this "pioneer woman."


Who is this woman?  Where is Sarah Palin? 

I soon learned all about this Pioneer woman, her web site and her amazing family and food.  Ha!  Not sure if I'd stand in line for 2 hours to see her though...