Tuesday, October 05, 2010

"Skinny Jeans Make My Fat Move Up"

They were having a sale.  Skinny Jeans.  The "in" thing compared to the baggy Levi's I practically wear to bed.

My sister begged me to make my butt look like it arrived into the 21st century.  So I went to the sale where the saleswoman tried to convince me (or squeeze me) into a pair of jeans two sizes smaller than what I normally wear.

"Suck it in!  Pull!  Great!  Look at how good your butt looks!"

My butt?  Was that my waist?  Having trouble intaking air, I noticed the fat on my lower half was squished so tight it had nowhere to go but up over the top of the jeans! 

Trying not to faint I grabbed the saleslady.  In my old loose jeans, my fat evenly melted into my body.  In these jeans, I looked like I just ate a buffalo.  And felt like it too.

The saleslady giggled, "Oh, everyone has waist fat, just wear a loose shirt to cover it."

Really?  I'm to give up breathing so I can fit into skinny jeans only to be forced to cover my spillage fat with a big shirt which will hide the view of my nice butt which was the very reason I bought the jeans in the first place?

It was exhausting.  But yes, I did buy the jeans.  Why?  Cause I have a husband that never gets to see my butt, even in bed (cause it's dark).  I owe him that. 

Who cares if I change to my big jeans in thirty minutes.  How long does he need to see my butt anyway?

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